Dreaming in Dairyland Read online

  Cissie buried her face in his neck, smelling the soap he'd just used. She hated he went through this every night, and wished with everything inside her she could help him. Already she was falling for him, but she knew she couldn't completely relinquish her heart until he trusted her. Whenever that might be.

  Chapter Eight

  When Bob walked into the bowling alley just before six the following evening, he slid into a booth across from Trey and Cindy. "Where's Cissie?" He knew he wasn't too late to hear her opening song, but he didn't see her anywhere.

  "She's getting drinks and snacks," Cindy told him. "Are you two all right?"

  Bob nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. "I think she's forgiven me for deceiving her." He really hated that Cindy knew about what had happened between them.

  Cindy grinned. "Cissie never could hold a grudge. Me? You get on my bad side, and I never forget it." She leaned forward. "So don't mess with my friend again, or I will have to remove choice parts of your body with a dull, rusty blade. Understand?"

  Bob nodded slowly. "I understand." He wished he didn't.

  Trey looked at Cindy, pulling her closer. "So glad you love me. You're kind of scary sometimes."

  Cindy glared at him. "Same goes for you, too. You mess with Cissie again, I hurt you."

  Trey nodded slowly. "Yes, ma'am."

  Cissie came back to the booth then with a big tray. She dropped a basket of cheese curds on the table along with four burgers and drinks for everyone. "Taking the tray back." She rushed off again.

  Cindy distributed the burgers as if nothing had happened. "Are you going to sing tonight?" she asked Bob.

  Bob shook his head. "I don't sing." The very thought of getting up in front of everyone and singing was petrifying for him.

  "Not at all? 'Cuz Cissie would love that."

  "I know she would." Bob watched as Cissie slid into the booth beside him, kissing him immediately.

  "You should come see my office after I sing," she whispered softly.

  He raised an eyebrow. "Your office? Why?" What was she thinking? He was almost afraid to find out.

  "'Cuz you look so good in that uniform, it makes me want to take it off you." She turned and took a bite of her burger.

  Cindy reached for a cheese curd. "What are you going to sing tonight?"

  "It's a surprise." Cissie had been thinking about what to sing all week. She wanted to do something special for Bob.

  Less than ten minutes later, she left her burger half-eaten and went to the stage, speaking softly to the karaoke hostess who nodded and smiled. Bob waited for the woman to introduce her as usual, but instead Cissie took the microphone. "I want to dedicate this song to my awesome new husband, Deputy Bob Anderson. Don't call him Deputy Bob, though. He doesn't like that," she said in a mock whisper. "It truly is 'The Sweetest Thing I've Ever Known.'"

  As she swayed to the music, she watched him, and once she started singing her eyes were on his. She'd been humming this song all day, keeping her voice limber so she could sing to him.

  Bob felt his heart leap. It had been one thing to hear her powerful voice before he knew her. Now that she was his wife? It affected him more than he could say. He felt humbled that she sang for him, and she made it so clear she was singing just to him.

  When she was finished, she got the loud applause she always got, before she hurried back to the table. She slid into the booth beside Bob, kissing him softy, knowing all the eyes in the room were on her.

  "You make me feel like I'm someone special, you know that, Cissie?" Bob's voice caught as he whispered the words to her. How could she put up with him when she was so incredible?

  "You are. Trust me on this." She laid her head on his shoulder for just a moment before turning back to her food.

  Cindy rolled her eyes. "Get a room!"

  Cissie laughed. "Trey said you need to learn some new moves, so I was just helping out." She may have forgiven Trey, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try to get him in trouble as much as possible.

  Trey sputtered. "I never said any such thing! I wouldn't!"

  Cissie looked at him. "And who do you think she's going to believe? The best friend she's known for twenty years or some freak she met at the altar in July?"

  Cindy bit her lip, holding back a laugh. "The freak she met at the altar in July, of course."

  Turning toward Bob, Cissie asked, "Didn't you want to see my office?"

  "You cannot do your new husband in your office, Cissie Rivers! It's just wrong!" Cindy protested.

  Cissie glared at Cindy. "It's Cissie Anderson now, thank you very much!" She slid out of the booth and waited for Bob to follow, heading to her office with him. Once they were there, she turned to him. "We can't really make love to each other in this office. My dad would be able to sense it when he came in tomorrow night, but we can make out and freak Cindy out."

  Bob laughed, gripping her waist and pulling her to him. "That works for me." He brought his lips to hers, kissing her slowly and thoroughly. "Thank you for the tribute. It meant the world to me."

  Cissie sat on the edge of her desk, her hands on his shoulders. "I meant every word."

  "I could tell." He wanted to tell her that he didn't deserve her affection, but he couldn't. He had never wanted anything in life as much as he wanted her to love him, and he wasn't going to give it up for anything.

  She smiled at him, stroking his cheek. "You're pretty terrific, Bob Anderson."

  He lowered his head again, and she twined her fingers through his hair. He moved closer, pressing against her. "I want to make love to you." His voice was urgent as his lips played with hers.

  Cissie was tempted by the idea. Just as she opened her mouth to agree, there was a loud knock on the door.

  It opened immediately. "Excuse me, Cissie," the voice stopped. "Oh crap. Sorry, boss lady." The door closed again.

  Cissie chuckled, burying her face in Bob's neck. "This is probably not the time." She scooted off the desk and opened the door. "You need something?"

  "There's someone on the phone who wants to do a party here," Jason, the boy who was 'in charge' on Wednesday nights said. "I can have her call back."

  Cissie shook her head. "No, I'll take the call." She looked over her shoulder at Bob who had followed her out. His hair was mussed, and she grinned. He looked funny in his perfectly pressed deputy uniform with his hair sticking up every which way. "We'll finish at home." She waggled her brows at him.

  Jason was blushing beet red. "I'm so sorry. I—"

  "You were doing your job, Jason. It's perfectly fine. Bob and I just got a little carried away. We are newlyweds after all." Cissie knew she should probably be embarrassed about being caught in the office kissing, but she wasn't. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was married.

  Jason had taken a year off before college, saving money so he wouldn't have to take out a student loan. He worked forty hours per week for Cissie, doing a lot of the managerial work Cissie couldn't get to on her own. "Well, I'm sorry."

  Cissie patted him as she walked to the phone. Bob watched her go. "It's me you should be apologizing to," Bob said with a slight grin. "I was about to be very happy in my wife's office." He watched her bottom swaying in her jeans as she walked off. He was just glad he'd have a rain check.

  Jason laughed, feeling more comfortable now that his boss was out of earshot. "She's pretty incredible. All the guys have a crush on her."

  "Even you?" Bob asked, one brow rising.

  Jason shook his head. "No, sir. She's more of a sister type to me."

  "Glad to hear it." Bob walked back across the bowling alley to where Cindy and Trey were waiting. He couldn't believe he felt jealous of a teenage boy over his own wife.

  Cindy took one look at his mussed up hair and groaned. "You two couldn't control your urges until you got home? You're like a couple of hormonal teenagers."

  Bob laughed. "As it happens, we were interrupted, but I'd almost convinced her that the desk in her office was the perfect pl
ace." He didn't care where anymore. She'd convince him to use the back of his patrol car soon. He was barely putting up a fight any more.

  Trey shook his head at Bob. "You quit blushing, I see."

  Bob shrugged. "Yeah, and I figured out how to talk to her too. Amazing what propinquity will do for you."

  Cissie slid into the booth beside Bob. "Did you miss me?"

  Bob put his arm around her, kissing her forehead. "I did, but Trey said mean things about you."

  Cissie glared at Trey. "Why would you do that?"

  Trey looked at Cindy. "They're going to do this to me all night, aren't they?"

  "Looks like it," Cindy said with a grin. "You deserve it."

  Trey sighed. "Probably."

  *****

  As soon as they got inside the house that night, Cissie shut and locked the door, her hands going to his shirt. "Time to get all your clothes off, Deputy Bob."

  "Oh, really? Am I dirty? Do I need a shower?"

  "You'll need one in an hour. I promise." She nipped his ear with her teeth.

  *****

  That night when he woke with his dreams, he laid there for a moment, trying to still his racing heart. He looked over at Cissie who was watching him calmly. "I'll help if I can."

  He rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom without another word. That night, she'd stood over him watching as he'd shot the perp and seen Chaynade die. Her eyes had blamed him for everything.

  *****

  Bob waited to call his former shrink until he was on his way to work. "We've got to get these dreams to stop. Four nights in a row. It hasn't been this bad since before Tanya left me. And now my wife is in the dreams. She's watching me in the store, and she's blaming me."

  "You need to tell your wife what's happening. I think you were crazy not to tell her before you married. The woman has a right to know."

  "We met at the altar," Bob told him, waiting for the shock he knew he'd get. Dr. Daily knew him like no one else. He knew he wouldn't need to resort to a matchmaker to marry.

  There was silence from the other end of the phone as Dr. Daily worked that out in his head. "What do you mean you met at the altar? People don't do that anymore, you know. They haven't for at least a hundred years."

  Bob briefly explained about Matchrimony and how it worked. "So we met at the altar."

  "That's crazy. But I can see the benefits if you can't find someone any other way." Dr. Daily sighed. "Obviously you care about her though."

  "More than I can say." Bob couldn't imagine a wife who would be more right for him than Cissie was.

  "Then tell her. Tonight, this weekend, whenever. But tell her soon. The longer you keep something like that from her, the longer there's going to be friction in your marriage."

  "All right." Bob had no desire to tell Cissie anything, but he could see the value of Dr. Daily's words. "I'll do it." Saying the words instantly brought him both relief and fear. Relief that she'd know, but fear that she'd leave. Could he live with himself if she didn't stay?

  "Good. And Bob?"

  "Yeah?"

  "It sounds like you found a good woman this time. Congratulations."

  Bob smiled to himself as he pulled into the sheriff's parking lot. "Thanks. I did."

  *****

  On his way home that night, Bob was still thinking about what Dr. Daily had said. He needed to tell Cissie, and he was going to take a page from her book. She said it was better to just rip the bandage off and go on, so that's what he'd do. He turned the radio on and did his car dance quickly before going into the house. Every day he worked, at least once, he car danced in honor of his lost partner. He felt her presence as he did it, knowing she would approve.

  When he got home, he changed into jeans and a casual shirt. He didn't want Cissie to get distracted by his uniform again. She had a one track mind about some things. Not that he was complaining. She was exactly what he needed. He just hoped he could continue to be what she needed.

  When Cissie walked in, she saw Bob waiting for her on the couch, and she raised an eyebrow. "What, no dinner? Is it not a good night for spoiling Cissie?"

  "We need to talk," Bob told her, patting the spot beside him on the couch.

  All at once, Cissie's smile left her face and her hunger disappeared. "What are we talking about?" she asked, taking the seat beside him, and leaning over to kiss him quickly on the lips.

  He took a deep breath. "This is a tough subject for me, so I want you to listen without interrupting. When I'm done with my story, you can ask any questions you need to ask."

  Cissie nodded, her attention focused entirely on her husband. She hoped he was going to talk about whatever it was that had been bothering him so much. "I'm ready."

  "Let me start by saying, I loved being a cop. I went to the academy right after college, and nothing made me happier. I wore my badge with pride and quickly was given the task of training rookies." He scrubbed his hands through his hair, looking down at the floor. "My second rookie was a young girl named Chaynade. You actually remind me of her. She was full of life. She thought we should play the radio loudly in the car so she could car dance all the time. I wouldn't let her very often, because then I couldn't hear dispatch over the radio."

  He drew a deep breath. "One day in late January, we were on our way to dinner, and she'd talked me into letting her listen to music. She was car dancing like a crazy woman, and I saw people in a couple of other cars look over at us. We must have looked crazy. I was this straight laced white cop, and she was this young black woman, bobbing up and down and doing all these hand motions. I pointed out how we looked, and she suggested we turn the music up louder and open the windows so they could hear, because she was convinced anyone hearing that music would be forced to dance with her."

  Cissie smiled at that. Chaynade did sound like her.

  "While she was car dancing and I was driving merrily to the diner of our choice, we got a call on the radio for any available units. There was a robbery at a convenience store we'd just passed, so she turned down the music and gave our location, and I whipped a u-turn and headed back toward the store. We were the first unit on the scene, and I told her to wait for me before jumping out of the car, but she was young, and hard-headed, and she ran inside, leaving her car door open. She hadn't even drawn her gun yet. She knew better. I'd read her the riot act for not having her gun at the ready more times than I could count by then." He stood up and started pacing as he talked. He was obviously upset, and Cissie wanted to get up and hold him, but she'd promised to be quiet, so she was.

  "I ran after her, but was a few seconds behind, which seemed to always happen. I thought of her as a younger sister, and I felt like it was my job to protect her, something she never let me do, of course." He stopped pacing for a moment and looked at her. "Life is so fragile. You never know when someone you love is going to die, and you'll never get to see them again. Never get to tell them what they meant to you."

  It was all Cissie could do not to get up off the couch and run to him, but she knew he needed to finish his story without any interruptions.

  "So I ran after her into the store, just in time to see her throw her body over a little girl who was crying. The perp lifted his gun and shot. He said something about warning the little girl to stop crying first, but it was too quick. He shot Chaynade. I didn't take the time to look. I shot him twice, in the chest. I knew he was dead." He sucked in a breath. "It's the only time I've ever killed anyone, and it was hard, but I'd do it again and again if I could bring her back."

  Cissie closed her eyes, feeling his pain.

  "Chay was gone before I could do anything. The little girl was still crying. Her mom had been shot, was unconscious, but they both lived. But not Chay. She was one of those special people, the kind that makes everyone around them happy just by living. Someone like you." His breathing was ragged, like he'd been crying, but his eyes were dry. "I spent the rest of the night being questioned by the chief and then the department shrink. That's what
happens when you shoot someone. Or your partner dies. Hopefully never both on the same night."

  "Oh, Bob! I'm sorry!" Cissie got up and ran to him, throwing her arms around him and holding him tight. She had tears streaming down her face.

  Bob buried his face in her hair. He had to finish it, or he'd never be able to. "So I went home that night, and Tanya was mad, because I'd forgotten to call. She told me my job was always more important than her. That she always came last. It wasn't true. It was never true. She never mattered as much as you do, though." He moved back to the couch, keeping an arm around her the whole way. "So the nightmares started immediately. I'd wake up in a cold sweat, yelling for her. Telling her not to go into the store without me. To wait for me." He looked at her. "Is that what you've experienced?"

  She nodded. "It is."

  "After a month of that, Tanya told me she wasn't going to spend the rest of her life with a broken man, so if I couldn't get it together, and do it quickly, there was no place for me in her life. She was gone within two months of the shooting." He shrugged. "At first, I didn't even know how to respond. I was seeing the department shrink. He'd put me on a leave of absence because I was taking it so hard. Chaynade's parents kept in touch with me, talking over and over about how much they appreciated that I'd avenged her death."

  "You did the right thing, killing him, you know."

  Bob nodded. "I do know that, but I wish there'd been some other way. I wish I could have taken him in and made him suffer for the rest of his life for what he did to her. That little girl sends me a Christmas card every year. And every year she thanks me for saving her and her mommy. And every year, it breaks my heart, because I wasn't thinking about her and her mommy when I shot him. I was thinking about my partner, and how she'd never car dance again. How she'd never marry the boy whose ring she wore. How she'd never have the three point seven children she always talked about." He shook his head. "I killed him because I wanted him dead. I could easily have shot the gun out of his hand, but I didn't."