Edna Petunia Read online

  Edna hadn't thought of it that way, and truly, she understood why people talked about him when he did show up for church. Why the man smelled as if he hadn't bathed in years, but she didn't care. It was what was on the inside that counted. If she agreed to marry him, she'd just dump water over his head every once in a while and hand him a bar of soap while he was sputtering.

  He was waiting for her on the road out of town, and she rushed to his side. He leaned down to give her a quick kiss on the lips, and she giggled like a school girl. "Well, hello there, Cletus."

  "Howdy, Edna Petunia. I dreamed about you last night." He took her hand in his and led her toward the wooded area outside town.

  Edna blushed. "Why do you say things like that to me, you old goat? You know I'm too old for anyone to be dreaming about."

  "Not me," he whispered. "Don't you want to know what you were doing in my dream?"

  Edna knew he wanted her to get embarrassed, so she refused to do it. "Yes, tell me what I was doing in your dream."

  Cletus was taken aback for a moment, but then he threw his head back and guffawed like a mad man. "Oh, Edna Petunia. What am I going to do with you? Well, let me just tell you what I did to you in my dream instead." He spoke softly to her, telling her a scandalous tale that included both of them being naked and her wearing nothing more than the peppermint sticks she kept tucked into her cleavage for children she met.

  When he was finished, Edna fanned herself with her hand despite the cool weather. "Whoowee. You should write down your naughty little stories, Cletus. I'm sure you could make a lot of money selling them to mountain men who haven't seen a lady in twenty years."

  "You mean like me?" he asked, a slight grin on his face under his layers of whiskers.

  "I don't see a mountain close by, Cletus Sanders. Are you telling me you can be a mountain man with no mountain?"

  Cletus frowned for a moment. "I guess I'm more of a woodsman at that." He led her to a clearing in the woods where there was a campfire and a tree stump he obviously used as a chair. "Have a seat, milady." He bowed to her, his old straw hat falling off his head as he did. The top of his head was a perfect 'o' of flesh where his hair had thinned down to nothing.

  Edna took her seat with a smile, appreciating him treating her like a lady, even though all he had to offer was a tree stump for a chair. There were a couple of sticks stuck into the ground and a piece of oil cloth that he obviously used as a tent. "You don't get cold in the winter? Or hot in the summer?"

  Cletus just shrugged. "I guess I'd go somewhere else if I got too hot or cold."

  "You got somewhere else to go, Cletus?" she asked him, certain that he didn't.

  He shrugged again. "Maybe." He rekindled the fire he'd banked before walking out to get her. "How was church this morning, darlin'?"

  Edna started to scold him for using the endearment, but she decided she liked it. "It was good. Preacher spoke about hypocrites. About people who say they feel it's important to help the poor, and how they love all people, but don't really do it."

  Cletus nodded. "Yep. That's the kind of person that chased me away from my church-goin' days. Believe it or not, I was raised to go to church every Sunday. Sat in the front pew between my mama and my papa, and I knew all the words to every song by heart. Didn't stop going to church 'til about forty years ago."

  Edna nodded, listening carefully. Forty years before had been the War Between the States. Cletus had been about thirty then and had probably had to fight. "That happen during the war?" she asked softly.

  "Yep. I knew we thought God was on our side, and the North? Well, they thought God was on their side. Judging by the number of people who died, well, I'd say God wasn't any part of that evil war." He spit on the ground beside him. "I actually saw a son kill his father in the name of war. It was awful." He looked at Edna with such sorrow in his eyes, she was sorry she'd brought it up.

  "It was a terrible thing. It didn't affect us as much out in Washington Territory, but I heard about it. Lots of men came out to work in the lumber camps fresh from the war." Edna shook her head. "So what kind of work did you do before the war?" Harry had been a sniper during the war, and the stories he'd told her had helped turn her hair gray.

  Cletus laughed. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

  Edna frowned at him. "You keeping secrets from me, Cletus? I thought you wanted to get married and find us some bastard babies to adopt?"

  Cletus's eyes widened. "I didn't say nothin' 'bout no bastard babies. What are you talking about, Edna Petunia?"

  She shrugged. "A girl can hope, can't she?"

  "We're too old for babies, woman! Now a bastard teenager might work."

  Edna thought about that for a moment. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter too much how old they are as long as we get a bastard or six. Maybe twenty. I do love me some bastard children."

  Cletus didn't respond as he poured the stew he'd made from the pot over the fire into two bowls. He gave her a spoon. "I only got one spoon. You take it."

  Edna accepted it gracefully. "Stew smells good. Where'd you learn to cook?"

  Cletus shrugged. "I've lived alone since 1855. I guess I figured it out somewhere along the way." He sat on an old quilt that was falling apart on the ground facing her.

  Edna took a bite of her stew and smiled. "You're a good cook. You should have ladies over more often."

  Cletus laughed. "Ladies are just pounding down my door to get me to cook for them." He used three fingers to scoop the food out of the bowl, making his own spoon.

  Edna watched him for a moment, wanting to say something about his manners, but she found she couldn't. He'd been very mannerly to give her his only spoon. Who was she to complain?

  After lunch he licked every finger clean before patting the spot on the quilt beside him. "I sure am lonely down here by myself, Edna Petunia."

  Edna looked at the spot beside him and got to her feet, slowly sinking down next to him. "You'd better be ready to help me up. My old bones don't do so well on the ground these days."

  "I would be happy to help you." He put his hand on her knee and smiled at her, his blue eyes twinkling. "You are a fine figure of a woman, Edna Petunia."

  Edna shook her head at him. "You're an old goat who's as blind as a bat, Cletus. I like you anyway."

  Cletus scooted a bit closer to Edna on the quilt. "How much do you like me?" He kissed her cheek softly.

  Edna nudged him with her shoulder. "What do you think you're doing, you old coot?"

  "I just want to kiss my lady." He gave a half laugh. "You know, even when I was a young buck, I never had a girl that I thought of as mine. I took one look at you, and I knew there was a reason for that. I've been waiting for you all my life, Edna Petunia Blue."

  Edna Petunia ignored half of what he said and concentrated on the fact that he wanted to kiss her. "You know I don't like anyone to kiss me 'til I've taken my teeth out, Cletus." She reached up and popped her teeth out, putting them in her lap. She gave him a toothless grin. "There. All ready to be kissed!"

  Cletus followed suit, dropping his teeth onto the blanket beside him. "All ready to do some kissin' myself."

  When Cletus's hand found her breast, she reached down and moved it back to her side. He pulled back for a moment. "You don't like me touching you there?"

  Edna sighed. "It's not that. I like it a lot. I just...well, I don't think you should touch me that way before we're married."

  Cletus's eyes lit up. "Does that mean you're accepting my proposal? Really?"

  Edna Petunia shook her head slowly. "Maybe. I'm not sure yet. I'll give you an answer tomorrow."

  He groaned. "So until tomorrow, all I get to do is kiss you? I want to touch you, Edna Petunia. I want to touch you everywhere." His lips were on her ear as he said the words, and he pulled her lobe into his mouth.

  Edna closed her eyes trying to find the words to explain to him why she couldn't give in to his advances. Finally, she just shook her head. "I don't think that's a
good idea."

  He watched her for a long moment before shaking his head. "All right, sweetheart. I can wait. A little while longer. But if you agree to marry me, can we have the wedding tomorrow?"

  "I need time to at least make myself a new hat to get married in, Cletus. I told you I used to be a hat maker, right? Well, the hat I have in mind will make me look better than you can even imagine." Edna gave him another toothless grin. "You can wait long enough for me to make a hat, right?"

  Cletus frowned. "I suppose I can if you need me to, Edna Petunia. I don't want to wait long though. I've waited sixty-nine long years to find the woman of my dreams. How can I possibly wait?"

  Edna frowned when Cletus mentioned his age. She'd never imagined she would be an older woman marrying a younger man. Why, sixty-nine was...younger than she was. How many years younger wasn't acceptable to admit, even to herself.

  "If I say yes, we won't wait terribly long. There will be no six month engagement. We're too old to waste time lollygagging."

  Cletus looked at Edna Petunia, his blue eyes wide and pleading. "Please say yes, Edna Petunia. I'll wait for the lovin' if I've got to, but I need you to be my bride."

  Edna sighed, looking around her at the forest floor. He obviously lived there. She'd never had a lot of money, and had grown up in a cabin with a leaky roof, but there had been a roof. She wasn't certain she could live outside the way he did. "Would you build me a house? It doesn't have to be a big one, but I don't think I can stand living outside the way you do."

  Cletus nodded slowly. "I can provide a house for you."

  Edna put her hand on his arm, trying to make it clear that she didn't need a lot, but she did need something. "A small one-room cabin would be more than enough for me. I have a feeling I'm going to want to be cozy with you anyway."

  Cletus leaned over, touching his lips to her neck. "That's what I want to hear."

  Edna giggled softly and pushed him away. "Stop acting like a randy old goat. We need to get to know each other better before we start in on all that again."

  Cletus sighed, putting his teeth back in. "Well, tell me about where you grew up then."

  "My parents decided to make the journey west back in the '30s. I was just a girl, of course. We took a wagon train along the Oregon Trail. I remember skipping along beside the wagon as we drove. Mama wanted a whole passel of babies, but she only ever got me, so she was really watchful over me. I have an older brother from Papa's wild oat sowin' days. He's a bastard. Maybe that's why I love bastards so much. Of course, he's worked so hard to be respectable, but that's beside the point.

  "Some days Mama and I would walk together beside our covered wagon. I swear I must have walked at least a thousand miles. We started out in Massachusetts, but I don't have a lot of memories of living back East. Most of my memories begin on the trail. Some days it would be her turn to drive the wagon, and I'd sit beside her." She got a far off look as she spoke of her mother. "The journey was too hard on her, and she got sick toward the end. She died before Papa got the cabin built in the woods outside of a small town that would later become Seattle.

  "There were only a few white men in the area at the time, so I kept house for Papa, and I taught myself at home. He was a woodsman for a long time, and later when the lumber camps started in the area, he went to work for one."

  Cletus put his arm around her. "It sounds like you were close to your mother."

  "Oh, I was. I still miss her something awful. My pa always said I'd have turned out to be more of a lady if she'd survived." Edna shrugged. "I never much wanted to be a lady anyway. I liked running free through the forest. Papa brought home a man who worked in one of the lumber camps with him when I was in my mid-thirties. I was already a spinster, and no man had ever really wanted to court me. Well, Harry is the man he brought home with him, and a better man I never met. He was gentle and kind, and he took a shine to me right off. We would go walking together, and he came to supper almost every night."

  "Harry was your fiancé?" Cletus was paying close attention to her every word. He obviously cared what she had to say. Most men wrote her off as a crazy old woman and didn't really listen to her, so she was thankful to see that.

  Edna Petunia nodded. "He was. We courted for just a couple of months when he asked my pa for my hand in marriage. Oh, I wanted to marry him so badly. Pa said he was fine with it, and we set a wedding date. We made it a couple of months out so I'd have time to make a new dress for the occasion. I'd just discovered I had a knack for hat making, so I made a hat. He died about a week before the wedding."

  Cletus put a comforting hand on her arm. "How did he die?"

  "He had a heart attack," Edna told him, telling him what the doctor had told her. She hadn't believed him then, and she didn't believe him now, but she had always told everyone the official story.

  "I bet you took it hard when they came and told you." His heart went out to her. He knew it had been many years since the incident, but she obviously loved him still. He almost wished he could have been the one to receive that kind of love from Edna Petunia. Of course, being dead would put a crimp in his future plans.

  She shook her head, a tear coming to one eye. "I was with him when he died."

  He pulled her close, holding her tight. "I'm so sorry, snickerdoodle."

  She rested her head on his shoulder for a moment, and then leaned away looking at him. "Why snickerdoodle? Why not sugar cookie?"

  "Sugar cookies are just sweet. You've got some spice to you, Edna Petunia."

  She smiled as she put her head back on his shoulder. He already knew her.

  Chapter Three

  When Iris asked Edna Petunia questions the following morning about where she'd been all day, Edna felt a panic rising up into her chest. She finally had the potential to be happy, and she couldn't ruin it. If she spoke about it, would Cletus disappear? She couldn't risk losing him, and if that made her a superstitious ninny, then so be it!

  "I was with a friend." She wasn't going to say any more. Iris was her employer and her friend, but this was something she simply couldn't share yet. Why, she couldn't even write about it in a diary. She didn't keep a diary, but even if she did, she wouldn't write about it!

  "I had lunch with the Harveys yesterday. They've invited us to dinner tonight. Would you like to go?" Iris asked. She obviously wanted to ask more, but she didn't, and Edna appreciated that.

  "I have plans." She'd promised she'd give Cletus her answer about marrying him that night. She was a bit panicked because she hadn't made a decision yet. Why, she wasn't sure if she could live with the old goat for the rest of her life. She wasn't sure if he could live with her, either!

  "All right then. Are you seeing your nieces?"

  Edna Petunia blinked at Iris for a moment. Her nieces? She then remembered telling Iris about her nieces who lived in Dalton, Texas. It was too far to just go for a day, though. She hadn't realized that until she came to Texas. The state was huge in a way a map could never portray. "No." Edna Petunia said nothing else, putting breakfast on the table. "Do you have any appointments today?"

  Iris frowned at her change of subject, but she let it pass. Edna breathed a sigh of relief. She'd talk about her relationship with Cletus after they were legally wedded and bedded and not a minute before.

  *****

  After lunch, Iris went to make a house call on a patient, so Edna Petunia sneaked away to see Cletus. He wasn't expecting her until after work, so she went to his little clearing in the woods, spotting him just like she'd expected. He was leaning against a tree reading a book, which surprised Edna a bit. She hadn't been certain he could read.

  "Hello, Cletus," she said softly and cackled when he jumped. She nudged him with the toe of her sensible black shoe. "What are you reading?"

  Cletus put the book down beside him hiding the title from her. "Nothing. Just a book."

  "You keepin' more secrets from me, Cletus Sanders? Is that any way to treat your wife-to-be?" Until the words left her mouth,
Edna Petunia hadn't realized she was going to marry him. It felt right though. She wasn't in love with him...yet. But she certainly knew she could be. He was a kind, loving man who was what she needed in her life. Yes, she'd marry him. She just wished they could have children, but her child bearing years were well behind her.

  Cletus looked at her for a moment, understanding dawning on his face slowly. His face was transformed by a tremendous smile. "Are you certain? It'll break my heart if you say 'yes' now and change your mind later."

  Edna nodded, feeling lighter than she had in years. Maybe she'd be living in the woods with the crazy old coot, but she knew he would make her life so much better. Living alone for the rest of her years didn't appeal to her. Cletus was a good man, and not too terribly odd. Why, she was probably stranger than he was, and she could freely admit it.

  Cletus let out a whoop loud enough, she was certain it could be heard back in Seattle. She grinned even as she scolded him. "Stop making so much noise, you old coot!"

  Cletus got to his feet, pulling her into his arms and kissing her forehead. "I'm going to make you the happiest woman alive, Edna Petunia Blue. You're not going to know what hit you."

  "Are you going to start building me a house now, old man? I don't want to sleep under a tarp forever." She didn't want to sleep under a tarp at all, but for Cletus? She could handle it.

  "I got it covered," he told her, enfolding her in his arms and just holding her.

  "Hey, you're going to break my peppermint sticks!" she protested half-heartedly. She didn't care if her peppermint sticks broke if she got to be held by him.

  "You keep talking about your peppermint sticks, Edna Petunia. Why are you so worried about your peppermint sticks?" Cletus looked at her with confusion.

  She pulled the front of her dress forward, showing him the four peppermint sticks she had tucked between her breasts, giving him a good view of her breasts as well. "I don't want them broken, of course. I keep them for the children."