Mary's Musket (Clover Creek Caravan Book 2) Read online

  At least Hannah had done her best to explain how things really were, even though it had been hard for her to do so.

  As they walked back to their spot to camp that night, Mary told Bob how much she appreciated the fact that he treated her as if she had a brain made for thoughts and not full of fluff.

  He smiled. “What makes you say that?” He was glad she finally understood that he saw her as an equal, but he was surprised. He’d worked hard to get her to realize how he felt, and she was just now admitting she understood.

  “The fact that you always ask me what I think and how I feel. Pa has never done that with Ma. Never. It has bothered me since I was old enough to notice it, and since we know I’m a thinking, breathing person, then we know I was quite young when I noticed it. I remember being a little girl and asking Ma why she let Pa boss her around. All she could say was, ‘Because that’s how it is. Men are in charge.’ I never could accept that.”

  “That’s my Mary. Ready to change the world, no matter what it takes.” Bob smiled, really proud that she didn’t think the way everyone else did. It made her unique in a way that pleased him.

  Mary smiled at him. “I like that. Because you said it, you may kiss me.”

  Bob laughed and pulled her to him, quickly divesting her of her clothes. “I’ll do more than that, wife.”

  There, under the stars, they made long passionate love to one another, and Mary was thrilled she’d chosen Bob for her husband. There was no other who would have suited her even half as well.

  The following day, Mary felt a contentment she’d never felt. Seeing her mother stand up to her father, and then having Bob tell her that he liked the way she was…well, it gave her confidence and a sense of peace. Every day with Bob had her happier and happier she’d married him, but she felt bad that she couldn’t yet say she loved him.

  She couldn’t love the way her mother did, and what other way was there? As she walked with Hannah and Sharon the next day, she asked, “Are you in love with your husbands?”

  Hannah looked at her. “I love Jed with all my heart, but it didn’t start out that way.”

  “It didn’t?” Mary asked. “You two always seemed in love with each other.” She was shocked to hear her friend hadn’t loved her husband from the moment they saw each other.

  “I met him the day before I married him. I wasn’t ready to be married yet, but my step-father had pressed the issue, and I had no choice in the matter.” Hannah shrugged. “I liked Jed right away, and when we talked privately, I realized that he would make me a good husband, so I agreed to marry him, but I still didn’t have much choice in the matter.”

  Mary turned to Sharon. “What about you?” Were there really others who weren’t madly in love when they first married? She’d assumed all marriages were ‘normal’ except hers and Bob’s.

  “I knew Peter in school. He walked me home every day, but I had a crush on another boy. I asked Peter to leave me alone but he wouldn’t. Finally, I found out the other boy was walking a friend of mine home, and my parents liked Peter so I agreed to marry him. I don’t think I fell in love with him until a few months later, though. It wasn’t a sudden flash for me. It was being friends, and then falling in love if that makes sense.”

  Mary nodded. “It does make sense. So, I’m not a terrible person if I don’t feel like I’m in love with Bob yet?” she asked.

  “Not at all,” Hannah said. “It’s different for everyone, and I think you do love Bob.”

  Mary shook her head. “He told me he loved me the other day, and I didn’t feel the need to say it back. Hopefully I will soon. I do have to say that I love being with him because we have fun together.” But enjoying spending time together was different than being in love. She was sure of it.

  “That’s a good start,” Sharon said.

  That evening there was still enough light left that they divided into couples to play cards. The captain must have decided they’d done enough penance for insisting to stop when someone gave birth. Bob and Mary played against Jed and Hannah, as usually happened. They were a foursome who had fun together, so they liked to keep it going.

  “I guess we’ll be going the normal amount tomorrow,” Mary said. “We only missed about four hours of walking when Sharon had her baby, so maybe we’ve done enough that we can have a normal day tomorrow.”

  Bob nodded. “That’s what he told the men earlier. He’s an odd man, the captain, but I don’t think he’s as bad as everyone thinks he is.” Everyone was relieved they wouldn’t have to keep leaving early and staying on the Trail late. It made for even harder days than they were used to.

  Hannah wrinkled her nose. “He forced his wife to walk, which led to her death. He didn’t want us to stop until Sharon had her baby. He’s making us make up the time that we missed by stopping early.”

  Jed smiled. “That’s all true, but have you talked to him about why he feels the need to get there so quickly?”

  Hannah shook her head. “No, I try to avoid talking to the captain.”

  “Remember, there’s always another side to every story. Perhaps when he went on the Trail last time, he saw people die because they froze, starting too late in the year. He doesn’t really talk about his first journey west, and there must be a reason.”

  Hannah and Mary exchanged a look. They were both still skeptical, but there was no reason to argue with Jed.

  “But tomorrow will be a normal day, right?” Mary asked, needing to change the subject.

  Bob nodded. “It will. We’ll only do the usual eighteen to twenty miles.” Which was more than enough for anyone.

  Jed looked at Hannah. “How’s the baby doing? Mrs. Claven is walking with you every day, right?”

  “He’s so perfect,” Hannah said. “I’m looking forward to the day when we have a baby of our own.”

  Mary shook her head. “Not me. I want time before a baby comes along. Imagine how I’ll look eight months pregnant running around shooting deer with my musket.” She laughed softly, surprised when Bob didn’t laugh with her.

  Hannah and Jed laughed. “I’m sure you’ll still be shooting then too, Mary. I can’t imagine anything else from you,” Hannah said.

  As Mary and Bob walked to their private place to sleep that night, Bob asked, “Will you really still be shooting when you’re eight months pregnant?” he asked. He didn’t like the idea of her putting their child in danger, even though the child didn’t exist yet.

  Mary nodded emphatically. “As a midwife, Ma has always taught me that pregnancy is a stage of life, but it’s not an illness. Women who refuse to take care of their normal chores while they are expecting have a much harder time giving birth than women who work throughout their pregnancy.” Her ma had equated it to practicing to run a race. If you wanted to run a race and win it, then you practiced by running every day. You didn’t sit around conserving your energy for the race.

  “I can see that,” Bob said. “I just worry that you’ll try to do too much.”

  “Maybe we should wait and worry about that when I’m pregnant, if I ever am. I may be barren.” And, oh how she wished she was barren. Having children was still not something she wanted. Maybe she was a strange woman, but her freedom would be gone with the birth of a baby, and that was the last thing she wanted to happen. No, she was happy with no babies, even though most women weren’t.

  “You’re right,” Bob said. He said a silent prayer that Mary wasn’t barren. He hated the idea of never having children who would be a perfect mix of him and his beautiful bride. “I love you, Mary,” he said as he said to her most nights.

  As always, she turned to him and kissed him, not responding the way he wanted her to. She never did. She was happy to make love, but she didn’t love him. It made him sad.

  After, they lay in each other’s arms, and Mary snuggled as close as she could. She wished she could tell him what she knew he wanted to hear, but she knew it wasn’t right to lie to him either. Hopefully she would soon be able to answer with th
e words he wanted to hear.

  He held her close as she drifted off to sleep, but he lay awake for much longer, wishing he knew what was wrong with him that his wife couldn’t return his love.

  After the extra walking they’d done most of the week, that Saturday went by quickly. When the day was done, and supper was over, all the women went to the river and worked together on the laundry so that they could have a day of rest the following day. A true day of rest where women weren’t working on the laundry.

  Mary knelt between her mother and Hannah and scrubbed the clothes on a washboard. No one bothered to carry the water to camp, instead they all went to the river to take care of the wash. It was much easier than how most women would have done it, but Mary had learned early on that she had to conserve energy on the Trail. There was simply too much work to be done every day.

  Ma nudged Mary with her shoulder. “You and Hannah had the laundry business right from the very beginning. There was no need to carry the water. This is so much smarter.”

  Mary grinned at Hannah. “It was Hannah’s idea.”

  Hannah looked at Mary. “Are you sure? I thought it was your idea.”

  “No, I think it was yours.” Mary truly had no idea who had first thought of it, but it was fun to give credit to her friend.

  Ma laughed. “It doesn’t matter whose idea it was. It was a good one and we have all benefited from your joint brilliance.”

  Mary laughed. “Hannah and I have joint brilliance. Maybe I should be dancing with Hannah tonight, and not with Bob.”

  “No, you’d kill me. I’d get my foot stuck in a gopher hole, and that would be the end of me.” Hannah shook her head. “You save that crazy dancing you do for Bob. It makes him happy.”

  “I’m not so sure I make Bob happy anymore. He looked really sad last night, and again at supper.” Mary felt badly that she couldn’t give him the words he wanted to hear.

  “I could give you some pointers for that, but your mother is listening,” Hannah said with a wink.

  “Hey, the preacher’s wife is supposed to be a good girl.” Mary shook her head at her friend, losing her sense of humor, but feeling the need to tease her about it.

  “But I never planned to be a preacher’s wife, so you need to give me a little time to learn to be good.”

  Ma shook her head. “You’re both silly girls. Forget that I said you were brilliant. You have cotton for brains.”

  Mary felt the need to quote the old saying she’d heard her whole life. “For what God has forgotten, he supplied cotton.”

  Even Ma laughed. “That’s for what’s lacking in your bodice, not for what’s lacking in your head.” She shook her head at Mary.

  “We’re not lacking in the bodice, Ma. Do you think Hannah is lacking? I mean, I haven’t looked very closely, but if you think she’s lacking, we should probably tell her.”

  Ma shook her head. “What has gotten into you tonight, Mary?”

  “I’m stalling, because I made Bob sad. I don’t want to see that sad look on his face ever again, and it’s the only look he seems to give me lately.”

  “Mary, you need to figure out what’s wrong, and you need to take care of it. You’ve only been married for a short while. You have to take care of it now before the problems pick up more speed like a snowball rolling down a hill.”

  “Yes, Ma.” Mary said the words, but she didn’t know how to fix the problem. She agreed she needed to because Bob meant a great deal to her, and they were going to homestead together when they arrived in Oregon, but how to fix the problem was something else entirely.

  Mary finished the laundry around the same time Hannah did hers, and the two of them walked up the hill to hang the clothes. As they worked, Hannah tried to find out how she could help her friend.

  “When did he get sad?” Hannah asked.

  Mary sighed. “Every time he tells me he loves me, and I don’t say it back, he gets sad. I hate making him sad, but I really don’t want to lie to him either.”

  “No, lying to him isn’t the answer. Are you sure that’s what’s bothering him?”

  Mary shrugged. “It’s the only thing I can think of. What else could it be?”

  “You’re doing well…with your marital activities, aren’t you?”

  “Oh, yes. Every night we sneak down to the river and bathe each other and then we make love under the stars. Every single night. There’s no problem there at all, except when he tells me he loves me after.” Mary shook her head, wishing Hannah could help her. Wishing someone could help her.

  “Could you tell him that he makes you happier than you ever dreamed possible? That might throw him off the trail for a little while, but I really think you love him as much as he loves you.”

  Mary shrugged. “How would I know if I love him? I’ve never been in love with a man before. Being married doesn’t come naturally to me like it does to you.”

  “When he’s not with you, do you think about him all the time?” Hannah asked.

  “Well, yes of course.” Mary thought that was a silly question.

  “Good. When you are with him, do you think about how to make him happy?”

  Mary nodded. “Yes, but that’s just being a good wife.”

  “When you cook something, do you wonder if Bob is going to like it?”

  “Of course, I do. I’m cooking for him after all.”

  “I think you’re in love with him. Think about how you’d feel if you lost him.”

  Mary felt a flash of pain to her stomach. “I don’t think I could bear it.”

  “Mary, you’re in love with Bob. Now that you’ve admitted it to me, perhaps you could admit it to him, and he’ll quit being sad. Bob is a good man, and you want to spend your life with him. Whether children come or not, you will love Bob. There is no reason to hide it from him.”

  Mary felt a slow smile cross her face. “You’re right. I love Bob Hastings. Now I just need to go and tell him.”

  “I’d wait until after the dancing,” Hannah suggested.

  “Why?”

  “Because if you don’t wait until after the dancing, the rest of us will miss the show you two put on trying not to run everyone else over.”

  Mary laughed, feeling lighthearted for the first time in a long while. She was in love with Bob, and now she could finally tell him.

  Ten

  Saturday May 1st, 1852

  We’re still traveling along the Platte River. Since the very beginning of this journey, I have felt like the Platte was a carrot dangled before us—a place where there would be plenty of water and game. I’m so glad we made it here, but it doesn’t live up to my expectations. From tales told about it, I expected to be able to look at the river and have fish jump out to us.

  As I look across it, I hate the idea of having to ford this river. I don’t know how we’re supposed to cross it, but it seems too wide to be able to make it across. Especially for those who can’t swim. But I do know it’s possible, for others have made it to Oregon, and to do that, they must have crossed the mighty Platte River.

  With today being Saturday, there should be dancing this evening, and I look forward to it. Bob is the best dancer in the company and having him as my partner is a great deal of fun.

  As much as I dreaded marrying, I do think Bob is the right man for me. He always makes me smile, and he doesn’t complain about my boyish ways. He simply helps me do as I want to do. I thank God every day for sending him into my life. Now I just need to figure out how to tell Bob how I feel.

  When it was time for the dancing to start, Mary walked to Bob and held her hand out for his, instead of waiting for him as she usually did. He looked at her with a question on his face, but he put his hand in hers and joined her on the ‘dance floor.’ She wanted them to have a perfect evening together that night that would lead up to her telling him she loved him. He deserved it with as long as he’d waited.

  The two of them did their wild dances as they always did, and Bob almost ran over the girl with
the peppermint stick. They laughed when it happened, and Mary watched as her husband grew happier and happier. The peppermint stick girl seemed to be fine, and she kept spinning in the middle of the dance area, her arms spun out to her sides.

  Once the musicians had given up for the night, and everyone was going to bed, Mary smiled at Bob. “Let’s go for a walk and talk a bit.” She was determined that she led up to the moment when she told him. He would be happy however she did it, but so much happier if she made a production out of it.

  Bob eyed her for a moment, wondering what on earth she was up to. She never asked him for walks or asked him to dance. In that one way, she played a traditional female role. Of course, he had never expected it to last. “All right. Let’s get our tent and blankets as well. That way we don’t have to come back into camp to get what we need.” Whatever she had in mind, he was willing to go with her. He trusted her implicitly.

  Mary nodded, taking the blanket, while he carried the tiny tent they had shared since they married. They found a spot just outside of the circle of the wagons and dropped their things before walking down by the river. They would find it after their walk and erect the tent then.

  “Does the Platte River live up to your expectations?” she asked, not wanting to just startle him with her pronouncement. It would be easier if they spoke about other things before she sprang the news on him.

  “I suppose. It’s pretty, but it’s a river like all the other rivers we’ve camped on.” He really didn’t think the Platte was anything to write home about. Of course, he didn’t plan on writing home about any of the rivers. They all seemed to run together in his head.

  “Do you think it’s too wide to cross?” Mary wanted him to promise her he wouldn’t attempt to swim across again. When he’d done that before, she’d been frightened for him, and they hadn’t even been a couple yet. Now she wasn’t sure how she’d react if he tried to swim across on his own.