Mail Order Mama Read online

  As the thought occurred to her, she realized the truth. She’d fallen in love with her husband. How could she have gone and done such a thing? He was still in love with his dead wife. He only praised her about being a good mother, not about being a good wife to him.

  Why did the knowledge of being in love with her husband make her suddenly feel so lonely? Why couldn’t she simply accept what he had to give her? He shared his life with her. Shouldn’t that be enough? She hadn’t come here wanting or expecting love from him. It had been an arrangement to help him with his girls and so she would have a home to go to at the end of the day. He’d done everything he’d said he would do for her, and she should be happy with that. Why wasn’t she?

  She rolled away from him and faced the wall, curling into a ball. Being in love should fill her with joy, shouldn’t it? So why did she feel like she would never feel warm again?

  Chapter Eight

  Emily and the girls went to the store with Benjamin on Monday morning to pick out the fabric for Emily’s two new dresses. Emily decided she’d cut them both together, so she could save some time. She looked through the different bolts of fabric trying to check the prices without Benjamin seeing her. He’d told her to pay no attention to the price, but she just couldn’t force herself to ignore the prices. She’d had to live frugally for too many years to give up the habit now.

  The least expensive cloth was a dark brown. She didn’t particularly care for it, but she could make a good serviceable dress from it. She held it up and studied it for a moment.

  From across the room, Benjamin saw Emily hold up the ugliest fabric he’d ever seen. It was the least expensive fabric he had, so he knew what she was doing. Why couldn’t she listen to him when he told her she could have any of the fabrics in the store without a problem? He strode across the room and removed the fabric from her hands. “I’ll pick your fabrics.”

  “But…”

  “Absolutely not. You will not nickel and dime your wardrobe and wear ugly dresses.” He ran his finger along the tops of the different fabrics, trying to find the pastel colors he knew would be best on her. Finally his fingers found the pink he’d been looking for. He held it up in front of her, judging the color. “This one.” He handed it to her to hold while he found the other color. He stopped on a mint green, again holding it up to her face. “And this one.” He put the brown back in its former place. “Those will look the prettiest on you. I’ll watch when I get the next shipment in for more pretty colors.”

  “You can’t always give me the best of the shipments, Benjamin. You’ll lose business.” She couldn’t stand it if he were to lose money because of her.

  “It’s my business to lose. No more ugly dresses for my wife!” He walked to the counter and picked out a cameo broach he’d had his eye on for her, and plucked it from its display. “You’ll take this as well, and you’ll like it!” His eyes dared her to argue with him.

  She took the things he handed to her. “Thank you.” Why did she feel so annoyed with him for giving her pretty things? “I’ll go get started right away.” She was halfway up the stairs with the girls when she realized why she was angry with him. It was because he was ashamed of her. Her steps slowed as she blinked back tears.

  Straightening her shoulders, she hurried up and sat down at the table. She’d gotten up early to do her baking and laundry, so now the only thing left was to do her daily cooking. Lunch was on the stove, so it was just a matter of getting the sewing done. “Are you girls ready to see just how fast we can make two dresses?”

  Abbie smiled and nodded. “I think we can have them done by Thursday, Mama.”

  “I hope so, because I want you each to have a new dress by Sunday as well.” No matter what it took, she was going to have the dresses Benjamin insisted she needed and the dresses the girls needed done by Sunday. She didn’t care if she got no sleep before then.

  *****

  With careful cutting, she was able to get a dress for herself and a dress for each of the girls out of each of the bolts of cloth. She even had enough left over to make them matching bonnets. When Sunday morning dawned, all three of them were in new dresses. She’d stayed up late into the night to finish the dresses for the girls despite Benjamin’s protests. If he was embarrassed of how she dressed, how could he not be embarrassed of the girls’ too-short Sunday dresses? She wouldn’t embarrass him again.

  She put her broach on to finish off her pink dress and walked down to walk with her family to church. They’d been invited out to Benjamin’s parents’ house for lunch after church, and she was not looking forward to going. She knew it would be a little easier with the work she’d done all week proudly displayed on herself and the girls, but she was sure her mother-in-law would find something to complain about.

  After church, she followed Benjamin out to the buggy and climbed in beside him. She’d made some dinner rolls and a side dish to take with them, hoping her mother-in-law would appreciate the gesture.

  When they pulled up into the yard, she realized they were the only ones there. Why had she assumed it was going to be the entire extended family? She didn’t want to be alone with her mother-in-law for any period of time. The woman spewed venom at her anytime Benjamin wasn’t there.

  Benjamin helped her down and she carried the dinner rolls and Benjamin carried the pot with her corn chowder into the house. Even though they weren’t Norwegian foods, she hoped that the fact she’d made an effort to help out with the meal would be appreciated.

  Georgie ran in and hugged her farmor, while Abbie hung back clinging to Emily’s hand. Emily set the dinner rolls she’d made on the work table and Benjamin put the corn chowder down as well. The corn chowder had been kept warm in the oven while they’d been in church, and they’d picked it up on their way to the farm.

  Ingrid thanked Emily for the food and smiled at her. Emily wasn’t sure what brought about the change of heart, but she was thrilled to see it. She helped set the table and put the food on while everyone settled into their seats.

  Benjamin’s father said the blessing and as soon as they were done, and the food was served. Emily couldn’t help but notice that everyone ate some of the food she prepared except Ingrid. Sven complimented her on the corn chowder. “This is a soup? It’s very good!”

  “It’s corn chowder. It’s a very popular dish in Massachusetts.” Emily ate a bit of everything. She watched as the girls ate some of everything, but had seconds of the corn chowder. She couldn’t help but smile over the way they devoured the new foods she fixed them.

  After they were finished eating, the men went out to the barn, while she stayed inside with Ingrid and the girls. She helped clear the table, and watched as the girls automatically helped as well. She was pleased the girls were doing what she expected of them at home even when they were at their grandmother’s house.

  When it was time to start the dishes, Ingrid shooed the girls outside to play. Abbie bit her lip and looked at Emily uncertainly, but Emily nodded. “Run along. We’ll do the dishes.”

  As soon as the door closed behind the girls, Ingrid turned on Emily. “You are ruining those girls! Why did they think they needed to help clear the table? At my house they’re still little girls, and they don’t help with cooking or cleaning. And the food you prepared? Why haven’t you learned to cook anything Norwegian yet? My son prefers Norwegian food and you must be a huge disappointment to him. I don’t know why he hasn’t sent you right back East where you belong!”

  Emily blinked a few times at the about-face. She should have expected it, but she hadn’t. “I’m not going to fight with you, Mrs. Johnson. I’m doing the best I can do with the girls, and I’m cooking what I know how to cook. They aren’t starving under my clumsy attempts to feed them, so I must not be doing too badly!” She bit her tongue against what she really wanted to say. She’d never used a swear word in her life, but she wanted to then. She mentally counted to ten, and then repeated it.

  “How dare you talk to me that way? In th
e Norwegian culture we respect our elders and treat them as if they are wiser.”

  Emily slammed down the dish she was drying, turning to face her mother-in-law. Where she got the courage, she would never know, but she wasn’t going to put up with being treated badly for another minute when she had been working her fingers to the bone for her new family. She simply hadn’t had enough sleep to deal with her mother-in-law. “As you’ve pointed out repeatedly, I’m not Norwegian! I respect people who treat me as if I’m a human being. Since you can’t see fit to treat me as if I’m better than an animal, I feel no need to treat you with respect.” She threw down her dish towel and stormed outside, leaving her mother-in-law to do the dishes on her own.

  She found the girls sitting on the ground playing with marbles. She squatted down to join them, fighting against her anger. The girls didn’t need to see her have an angry fit, whether she wanted to or not.

  She took deep calming breaths as the girls explained the “rules” for marbles, and she watched them play with a smile. Her own childhood had included few games of fun, and she enjoyed watching the girls play. Within minutes she’d calmed down again, although she was determined to speak with Benjamin when they got home about the way his mother treated her. She was thankful the woman hadn’t chosen to attack her in front of her girls, but she still wasn’t pleased she’d been attacked at all.

  *****

  Benjamin leaned against the horse’s stall in the barn while his Far smoked his pipe. “I’m really surprised at what a good little wife she is. The girls absolutely adore her, and she’s helped Abbie to come out of her shell. I never thought I’d see Abbie smile again after Anna died, but Emily has brought about a miracle. She’s laughing and smiling again, and reading! Emily has taught her to read beautifully in just two weeks. My house is like a different place.” Benjamin couldn’t say enough good things about his new wife. She’d been a true blessing to his family, and he was ready to put a halo on top of the tiny woman’s head.

  Far nodded, listening. “And you’re not afraid to touch her anymore?”

  Benjamin laughed. “I got over that. I honestly never thought I’d be able to have another woman in my life after Anna, but Emily has completed our family.” He patted his stomach. “And her cooking? I’ve never tasted anything like it. At first, I was disappointed that she didn’t know how to make any Norwegian dishes, but I find I don’t miss them at all. Every day she makes something I’ve never had before and I like it more than the last thing.” He pulled out the waist of his slacks. “I had lost a lot of weight after Anna died, and I’ve put it all right back on since Emily got here. She’s going to have to let the waist out on all my pants in another week if I keep eating the way I have been!” He knew he was raving about her like a man in love, but he just couldn’t seem to stop himself.

  “The corn chowder was delicious.”

  “Everything she cooks is delicious. And she sews beautifully.” He didn’t add that she kept him happy in bed as well. He knew his far could see that written all over his face.

  “I noticed the three of them wearing matching pink dresses today.”

  Benjamin smiled as he thought about their outfits for church. “I have to fight her to spend money on herself. She looks for the least expensive thing trying to save every penny she can. I have to fight her to get her to take more expensive things.” He sighed. “I wish she was willing to spend just a bit more on herself, but at least she’s not trying to spend every dime I make on frivolous purchases. What kind of man complains that his wife doesn’t spend enough?”

  Far just nodded.

  “She has so much patience with the girls. There are times when I’m getting frustrated with Georgie, and she’ll just smile and talk to her softly, correcting her behavior without Georgie even realizing it. And the girls now do the dishes after every meal without even being asked. They wouldn’t do them for me for anything, but they’ll do anything for Emily.” He leaned back against the wall of the barn, smiling and staring off into space as he spoke.

  “I’m glad you found a woman you could love.”

  Love? Was he in love with Emily? Surely not. He stood staring at his father for a moment in stunned silence. He appreciated Emily, of course. And there was no doubt he felt desire for her. He proved that over and over again. But love? Wasn’t love the overwhelming feeling he’d always felt for Anna? He remembered sitting in the schoolroom staring at Anna, and walking her home after school stealing a kiss.

  Was that just schoolboy love? Was he feeling an adult love for Emily? He’d never questioned how his love for Anna had changed during their years of marriage. She’d just been there for him. Had love for his new wife crept up on him without him even realizing it?

  “I don’t know that I love her, Far.” He couldn’t love her. He’d promised Anna he wouldn’t fall in love with his new wife.

  Far laughed. “You don’t, huh? You stand there moon-eyed talking about the woman non-stop and you don’t think you love her? Of course, you do. You think the woman can do no wrong. You’ve done nothing but praise her since we came in here. Tell me, how would you feel if Emily left?”

  Benjamin felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. How would he feel if Emily left? He’d hate it. How could he love her, though? He’d vowed to love Anna for the rest of his life. Or the rest of her life. Anna’s life was over. Did that mean he had the right to move on and love another? Could he love another?

  He gave Far a blank look.

  Sven clapped his youngest son on the shoulder. “You think about it. She’s a lovely young woman, and I’m happy she’s in your life. She’s exactly what you needed now that Anna is gone.” He sighed softly. “I know you think you buried your heart with your wife, but you’re too young to do that. You have a wife who is making you feel whole again. She’s healing your heart and the hearts of your children. Let yourself love her.”

  The two men left the barn and Benjamin frowned when he saw his wife crouching in the dirt with the girls. Why did she never stay in the house with his mor? He knew she was shy, but Mor was family, and she deserved to be treated with more respect than that. He’d have to talk with her about it when they got home.

  Emily looked up when she saw Benjamin approaching with his father. “Are you ready to go?” she asked.

  He nodded. “Are you?” He looked around in confusion, wondering if his mother had come outside with them or if she’d stayed in. Why did Emily always leave her alone?

  “Yes, but I forgot the bread basket and the pot with the chowder in the house. Would you mind getting it for me?”

  He gave her a questioning look, but she shook her head, indicating the girls. She obviously had something she needed to say to him without the girls listening. Whatever it was could wait until he’d talked to her about her disrespect for his mother, though.

  He went into the house and said goodbye, getting the pot and the bread basket. “We’ll see you at church on Sunday, Mor.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek as he took the things he needed.

  She smiled at him brightly. “I do miss seeing the girls. I don’t feel like I can go visit them during the week since Emily hates me so much.”

  Benjamin’s eyes widened. “Emily hates you? What do you mean?” Hadn’t Emily told him his mor hated her? What was going on?

  She had tears in her eyes as she said, “She actually told me she doesn’t respect me. Her culture must be a great deal different than ours.”

  “I’ll talk to her, Mor. She can’t treat you that way.” He shook his head. Emily was obviously very different around his mother than she was around him. “You can come into town and see the girls anytime you want during the week. I won’t let her stop you.” He was angry at the mere idea of Emily trying to stop his mother from seeing the girls. What was she thinking? Yes, she was their new mother, but they had every right in the world to see their grandmother.

  His mother smiled and hugged him. “Thank you, Benjamin. I’m so glad you respect me, even though your wife doesn�
�t.”

  He carried the things out to the buggy, handing them up to Emily who must have been helped in by his father. He was so angry with her he couldn’t speak as they drove home. How could she treat his mother so disrespectfully?

  Once they were home, he helped her down from the buggy without saying a word. While he unhitched the horses, she took the girls inside, and sent them upstairs to play in their rooms. She had to talk to him about the way his mother was treating her.

  She heard the front door slam behind him and waited for him in the parlor. He walked in and looked around. “Where are the girls?” He didn’t want them to hear what he had to say to her.

  “I sent them up to their rooms to play. I need to talk to you.” Her face showed her anger over something. He wondered what right she had to be angry when she was the one mistreating his mother.

  “Good. I need to talk to you as well.” He took a deep breath, still trying to control his temper. “Mor told me you said you didn’t respect her.” He waited for her to deny it, so he could yell at her for lying. He was so angry all he wanted to do was yell at her. How could she be so different with him than she was around his mother?

  She felt her heart drop into her stomach. “Excuse me?”

  “She was in tears. Why do you always leave her house when I’m talking with Far in the barn? Why don’t you stay in the house and help her with dishes like all my sisters do? Like Anna did?” He felt guilty for throwing Anna in her face, but she’d said she didn’t respect his mother. What kind of woman said that to her mother-in-law?

  Emily closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. She couldn’t believe she was being accused of wrongdoing when she had been the one mistreated. “May I tell you what happened without interruption please?”